Part One -- Planets and Aspects
 

Each of us has every planet in his or her chart. Each planet symbolizes a different facet of life. In synastry, when we compare two charts, we look at the aspects (distance in degrees) between the planets of one chart and the planets of the other to determine areas of potential ease or difficulty. In general, sextiles and trines are easy aspects; squares and oppositions are challenging or dynamic aspects. Conjunctions can be either easy or difficult, depending on the planets involved.

Below, a brief (necessarily incomplete) description of the areas of life ruled by each of the planets: SUN: The life force, the ego center, who you are at your core. MOON: Feelings, home, mother, family, sensitivity, nurturing, moods. MERCURY: Communication, schooling, short trips, negotiations, the mind. VENUS: Emotions, asthetic and artistic sense, what you have to offer a lover or partner if youíre a woman; what you want in a partner if youíre a man. MARS: Aggression, desires, competitiveness, ego drive, conflict, what you bring to a relationship if youíre a man; what you want if youíre a woman. JUPITER: Expansion, generosity, travel, optimism, knowledge, beliefs. SATURN: Restrictions, discipline, fear, burdens, status, ambition, authority. URANUS: Innovativeness, quirkiness, rebelliousness. NEPTUNE: Dreams, illusions, drugs, deception, spirituality. PLUTO: Death and regeneration, elimination, tumultuous change, power.

 

Common Aspects

Sun opposite Mercury
 

As the Mercury personís mind is working in a way that can be the polar opposite of how the Sun personís ego needs to deal with mental processes, there is likely to be an occasional clash of ideas in this relationship. However, as you are really just approaching the same situations from opposite perspectives, you are likely just as often to meet in the middle, with the added benefit that each of you can open the otherís mind to a broader viewpoint. The best manifestation of this aspect occurs when each of you learns to accept the validity of the otherís approach, without necessarily adopting it. In that instance, you can aid each other in gaining greater awareness and objectivity.

 

Sun opposite Mercury
 

As the Mercury personís mind is working in a way that can be the polar opposite of how the Sun personís ego needs to deal with mental processes, there is likely to be an occasional clash of ideas in this relationship. However, as you are really just approaching the same situations from opposite perspectives, you are likely just as often to meet in the middle, with the added benefit that each of you can open the otherís mind to a broader viewpoint. The best manifestation of this aspect occurs when each of you learns to accept the validity of the otherís approach, without necessarily adopting it. In that instance, you can aid each other in gaining greater awareness and objectivity.

 

Robert Wagnerís Planets Aspecting Natalie Woodís Planets

Sun sextile Saturn
 

You are likely to bring out the practical side in each other. This allows you to see the importance of the responsibilities you share and to take on the tasks related to those responsibilities with a sunny attitude. In fact, you can work quite well together on all sorts of cooperative ventures and achieve a great deal as a team. This aspect is favorable for any situation where responsibility and discipline are needed. You are also likely to feel a good deal of loyalty to, and protectiveness toward one another.

 

Sun square Uranus
 

Dynamic, stimulating, challenging and perhaps a bit unstable generally describe relationships with this comparative aspect . You can incite each other to new adventures, new risks and new activities; but you may also see each other as competition -- and may go too far in your attempts to one-up one another. It may be somewhat difficult to cooperate with one another as one or the other may see it as a challenge to his or her freedom and autonomy.

 

Moon sextile Venus
 

This sextile is favorable for any kind of emotionally-based relationship and often indicates a strong emotional rapport. People with this comparative aspect between their charts tend to have great empathy for one another and are likely to be particularly considerate of each otherís feelings unless there are some strong negative factors in the comparison that contradict this. You will tend to support each other emotionally and help to bolster each other when one or the other needs sympathy or reassurance. Youíre also likely to work hard together to create a harmonious, comfortable and asthetically pleasing home.

 

Mercury opposite Mars
 

If you enjoy debating, this is an ideal aspect to have in your synastry comparison. Otherwise, it can be a bit irritating. The opposition of Mercury and Mars usually signifies two people who tend to argue with each other a lot. There can be disagreements about trivial matters, and very little patience with each otherís actions and/or point of view. On the positive side, you can keep each other stimulated intellectually. Just try to control the desire to contradict each other when there isnít anything important at stake and stifle the urge to wound with cutting remarks that you may regret later.

 

Mars opposite Pluto
 

Because Pluto spends so many years in each sign, everyone born within a few years of each other will have Pluto in more or less the same position. This opposition is therefore more significant as an indication of the Mars personís response to an entire generation than as a trait in a one-to-one personal relationship. If the aspect is within a degree or so of exact, it can indicate tremendous tension between the two of you as you engage in an ongoing tug of war; from the Pluto personís perspective, for dominance; from the Mars personís perspective, for ego expression. There is a likelihood of each seeing the other at best, as a competitor; at worst, as a threat.

 

Uranus opposite Ascendant
 

Think of this as a conjunction between the Ascendant personís seventh house cusp -- the house of marriage and other partnerships-- and Uranus, rather than as a true opposition. This is likely to be an unusual relationship in some way. From the worldís point of view, you two may appear an unlikely match, but if you enjoy each otherís differences you may be able to make it work. The relationship is likely to be subject to many ups and downs, and unexpected events. It may have begun quite suddenly -- and has the potential to end just as suddenly, although you shouldnít set off expecting that this will happen. It would take more than one aspect to cause this. The key to success here will be to give each other plenty of freedom. Also -- be prepared to roll with the punches, because you never know what might occur with Uranus in such a prominent spot.

 

Ascendant conjunct North Node
 

You are both likely to approach the outside world in a similar fashion and to enjoy socializing together. The Ascendant personís path may be difficult at times for the North Node person to follow, but if he/she does so, it will probably be rewarding in the long run. There is a likelihood of dependency on each other for social activities.

 

Ascendant conjunct North Node
 

You are both likely to approach the outside world in a similar fashion and to enjoy socializing together. The Ascendant personís path may be difficult at times for the North Node person to follow, but if he/she does so, it will probably be rewarding in the long run. There is a likelihood of dependency on each other for social activities.

 

Ascendant conjunct North Node
 

You are both likely to approach the outside world in a similar fashion and to enjoy socializing together. The Ascendant personís path may be difficult at times for the North Node person to follow, but if he/she does so, it will probably be rewarding in the long run. There is a likelihood of dependency on each other for social activities.

 

Natalie Woodís Planets Aspecting Robert Wagnerís Planets

Moon square Mars
 

This can be a real ouch, emotionally. There is likely to be a great deal of volatility in this relationship and, when emotions flare (as they most definitely will) one of you -- often the Mars person -- may lash out without regard for the emotional pain you may cause the other. There is a tendency to have many disagreements, which you may be incapable of settling rationally and which can often become tearful or angry scenes. The Mars person is likely to feel defensive during clashes, while the Moon person feels wounded. The best way to handle these situations is to learn not to take everything the other says so personally, even if it seems as if thereís not other way to take it, but to try to see where the other is coming from. Most important -- be kind in what you say to, and how you act toward, each other. Disagreements should never be cause for, or include, personal attacks and insults.

 

Moon trine Neptune
 

Because Neptune spends so much time in each sign, this trine is more significant as an indicator of the Moon personís response to an entire generation than as indication of one-to-one relationship traits. If the aspect is within a degree or so of exact, there is the possibility of a strong intuitive link between you, so that you may be able to sense each otherís feelings Ė and even, under some circumstances, thoughts. You are likely to be highly attuned to each otherís moods, needs and concerns and to have a strong sense of sympathy and empathy for each other. You may bring out the latent urges in each other to nurture and help others.

 

Mercury opposite Venus
 

While there may be some differences in the way you each approach finance, study, communication and entertainment, you will probably be able to find a middle ground that is acceptable to you both . The Mercury person may occasionally seem insensitive or overly concerned with the rational aspects of life to the Venus person while the Venus person may occasionally come across to the Mercury person as self-indulgent or overly emotional. Nevertheless, this aspect is not potent enough, in itself, to cause real problems between you.

 

Venus square Jupiter
 

You are likely to be quite generous and indulgent toward each other, but may encourage each other to excess and extravagance. There is a slight potential for over-emotionalism or for hypocrisy and pretense in the relationship. You may bring each other luck, but you may also tend to waste opportunities or encourage each otherís laziness and procrastination.

 

Venus trine Saturn
 

This comparative aspect generally indicates a secure, steady relationship. You are likely to feel responsibility and loyalty toward each other and to show your affection in quiet ways. The Saturn person gives the Venus person a sense of security and stability; the Venus person lightens the Saturn personís mood and helps him or her learn to indulge more. This is a good aspect to find in a relationship if you plan to make a long-term commitment.

 

Venus conjunct Midheaven
 

This is an excellent aspect to have betwen two people who are involved in professional or business dealings together. The Midheaven person may provide the Venus person with greater security while the Venus personís social contacts and social skills can help advance the Midheaven personís status and professional ambitions.

 

Jupiter opposite Neptune
 

Because Neptune spends so many years in each sign, everyone born within a few years of each other will have Neptune in more or less the same position. This opposition is therefore more significant as an indication of the Jupiter personís response to an entire generation than as a trait in a one-to-one personal relationship. If the aspect is within a degree or so of exact, it can indicate a generous, tolerant and caring relationship with each of you intellectually willing to accept the other (although, you may idealize each other to the point that what you accept may not be quite what is there). You are not likely to be particularly organized, efficient or productive with or around one another unless there are other stronger aspects that contradict this one.

 

Saturn square Pluto
 

Because Pluto spends so many years in each sign, everyone born within a few years of each other will have Pluto in more or less the same position. This square is therefore more significant as an indicator of the Saturn personís response to an entire generation than as an indication of one-to-one relationship traits. If the aspect is within a degree or so of exact, there are likely to be power struggles over professional or authority issues. You are also likely to bring out each otherís ambition and drive to succeed, although it may be difficult to work corporately toward your goals.

 

Uranus sextile Pluto
 

This is a generational aspect, of little significance in one-to-one relationships Most members of each of your generations are likely to have some similar or supportive attitudes regarding change, -- especially on a major scale, such as in revolutions -- science and research, and the balance between individual freedom and societal controls.

 

Neptune sextile Pluto
 

This is a generational aspect, of little significance in one-to-one relationships. Members of each of your generations are likely to hold some compatible attitudes regarding issues of psychology, the occult, and the world beyond the senses in general.

 

Part Two -- Planets in Houses
 

This section is concerned with where the planets of one partner fall in the houses of the other, also known as comparative house placement. For instance, if you have 12 degrees Cancer rising (also known as Cancer Ascendant or Cancer on the first house cusp) and your partner has Moon in 15 degrees Cancer, your partnerís Moon falls in your first house. Your experience of your partnerís emotions, family and moods (Moon) will influence how you see yourself (Ascendant). In comparative house placement analysis, the planets generally have a greater impact on the houses than the houses do on the planets. In other words, where your partnerís planets fall in your houses is a better indication of how you experience him or her than vice-versa. And where your planets fall in his or her houses will tell more about how he or she experiences you.

 

Natalie Woodís Planets in Robert Wagnerís Houses

HOUSE THREE
 

The third house is involved in communication, basic schooling and training, siblings, neighborhood, community activities and extended family. When another personís planets fall in your third house, the energies symbolized by those planets will have an impact on the issues of the house. For instance, if a friendís Venus (the planet of romance, relationship, emotion, art, luxury, among other things) falls in your third house, your emotional response toward this person might be in some way similar to what you would feel toward a sibling, or you might communicate emotionally with one another.

 

Jupiter in House 3
 

The Jupiter person can help the third house person expand his or her intellectual, educational and communication horizons, and to add depth to his or her ideas. The third house person can keep the Jupiter person on track with details and organization when the Jupiter person begins to get too expansive or scattered. You tend to be good traveling companions and are likely to enjoy discussions and other forms of communication with each other.

 

HOUSE FIVE
 

Some astrologers refer to the fifth as the party house, and itís an apt description. The fifth house presides over entertainment and fun of all kinds; including romance, gambling, parties, creativity and pleasure in general. It is also the house of children, and may describe certain traits of your first child. When the planets of another fall into your fifth house, the energies of these planets will have an affect on what you do, think and feel about fifth house issues. If someoneís Sun falls into your fifth house, for instance, you may be attracted to that person as a romantic partner or as someone to simply go out and have good times with.

 

Moon in House 5
 

This is likely to be a highly emotional and romantic combination, if other chart factors support this. As the fifth house is the natural house of the child and the Moon represents the mother, there is the potential for the Moon person to take on a maternal-type role toward the fifth house person. The fifth house person can bring more fun into the Moon personís life; the Moon person can make the fifth house person feel secure and cared for. This placement is favorable for people raising a family together.

 

Saturn in House 5
 

This placement has both positive and negative potentials. It can indicate that this romance is more serious than the usual flirtation, but it may also be less fun, or it may be filled with obligations and responsibilities. There is some potential that one of you may have entered the relationship for reasons other than emotional consideration, or that one of you may be inconsiderate of the otherís emotions. There may be a greater than typical age difference between you. If there are harsh aspects from Saturn to planets in the fifth house, there may be difficulties with children, or children may develop chronic conditions. With this combination, you are cautioned against engaging in risky ventures or gambling together, as there is a strong potential for loss.

 

HOUSE SIX
 

The morning after the partying of the fifth house, youíve got to get back down to business, and thatís what the sixth house is about. It rules work, health, service, worries, diet, dress, personal habits and other mundane, but necessary details of life. When someone elseís planets fall into your sixth house, the energies of those planets will affect the way you respond to the above sixth house issues. If, for instance, someoneís Saturn is in your sixth house, he or she might be an authority (Saturn rules authority figures) who you consult about health, such as a doctor; or he or she might be your boss at work.

 

Uranus in House 6
 

The Uranus person is likely to have a surprising effect on the sixth house personís work situation, health habits or dress. The Uranus person may introduce the sixth house person to different attitudes concerning diet, work or fitness.

 

HOUSE EIGHT
 

The eighth house deals with a host of intense and weighty issues: death, obsessions, repression, jealousy, taxes, joint resources, inheritances and other peopleís possessions. It also represents what you want or need sexually. When someone elseís planets fall in your eighth house, the energies of those planets will have an impact on how you think, feel and act concerning eighth house issues. If, for instance, your rich old Great-Uncle Harryís Jupiter falls in your eighth house, he might bequeath you a generous inheritance in his will.

 

Sun in House 8
 

This placement often indicates intense contacts that swing between harmony and discord. The Sun person can have a powerful effect on the eighth house personís emotions and sexuality. There is, however, the potential for manipulation, secretiveness, jealousy and emotional flare-ups. There can be a greater than usual focus in this relationship on joint resources, inheritances, taxes, insurance and other money matters. The Sun person can gain from eighth house personís assets or may control the joint resources of both partners. The above comments apply most strongly when both Sun and house cusp are in the same sign.

 

Mars in House 8
 

This tends to indicate a passionate relationship, but often with elements of secrecy, selfishness, jealousy and intrigue. You may put joint resources at risk in foolish or poorly thought out expenditures and investments. There may be an element of danger to this relationship and, in rare cases, if supported by at least two other strong indicators, there may even be physical confrontations between the two of you. If there are harsh major aspects from Mars to the eighth house personís chart, the Mars person may at times treat joint resources as his or her exclusive property, without regard for the eighth house personís needs or wishes.

 

HOUSE NINE
 

The ninth house is directly opposite the third in your chart and represents a higher order of some of the issues governed by the third house. Foreign travel or other long trips, higher learning, philosophy, culture, religion, law and book publishing are all matters related to this house. When the planets of another person fall into your ninth house, the energies of those planets can affect how you respond to ninth house issues. For instance, if a friendís Uranus, the planet of innovation and surprises, falls in your ninth, he or she might introduce you to a new philosophical system or a new way of thinking about situations or events; or he/she might be the perfect traveling companion for an adventurous trip.

 

Mercury in House 9
 

This comparative placement tends to show intellectual compatibility. The Mercury personís words can have an impact on the ninth house personís beliefs. The ninth house person can stimulate the Mercury person to explore deeper, more expansive issues and pursue greater scholarship. This is a good combination for those who enjoy intellectual exchanges and is also favorable for partners who travel together.

 

Pluto in House 9
 

The Pluto person can have a subtle transformative effect on the beliefs and ideals of the ninth house person, but this usually requires aspects from Pluto to the ninth house personís personal planets for the potentials to be fully activated.

 

HOUSE TEN
 

Achievement, professional life, authority, status and ambition are all governed by the tenth house, also known as the Midheaven. This is also the house that represents your father, just as the fourth house represents your mother. (Please note: in some families, where the mother was the dominant parent, or the father was the greater nurturer of the two, the house rulership works better in reverse, with the fourth representing the father; the tenth the mother. Usually, however, the traditional rulership works best. ) When the planets of another person fall in your tenth house, the energies of those planets will affect the way you respond to tenth house issues. For instance, if someoneís Mars, the planet of competitiveness and aggression, falls here, you might find yourself in professional competition with him or her.

 

Venus in House 10
 

With this placement, the Venus personís social skills and contacts can help improve the status and professional standing of the tenth house person. This trait is accentuated if Venus is within a degree or two of the tenth house cusp. The tenth house personís professional standing can, in return, improve the Venus personís security and comfort. If Venus makes any major negative aspects to the tenth house personís chart, he or she may encourage the tenth house person to spend unwisely on luxuries that denote status; or to make a show of status and wealth.

 

Neptune in House 10
 

The Neptune person can encourage the tenth house person to be idealistic in career and business matters. This placement is favorable for partners whose professions involve creativity, imagination and inspiration. There is a slight danger that the Neptune person can be a drain on tenth house personís ambitions or status, but this is probable only if there are major hard aspects from Neptune to the tenth house personís planets.

 

Robert Wagnerís Planets in Natalie Woodís Houses

HOUSE THREE
 

The third house is involved in communication, basic schooling and training, siblings, neighborhood, community activities and extended family. When another personís planets fall in your third house, the energies symbolized by those planets will have an impact on the issues of the house. For instance, if a friendís Venus (the planet of romance, relationship, emotion, art, luxury, among other things) falls in your third house, your emotional response toward this person might be in some way similar to what you would feel toward a sibling, or you might communicate emotionally with one another.

 

Saturn in House 3
 

The Saturn person is likely to influence the third house person to think more clearly, concretely and perhaps more pessimistically, and to consider words carefully before speaking or writing. The Saturn person can help the third house person make the most of negotiations, business travel and communications in general. Occasionally this placement indicates that the Saturn person has a restrictive influence on the third house personís ideas, but only if other chart factors support it.

 

HOUSE FOUR
 

The fourth house rules the home, real estate, your mother (and your mothering instincts), as well as home, domestic and family situations in general. It is also the house ruling your final resting place. Those whose planets fall in your fourth house will affect you on a deep level, and may arouse your protective and nurturing instincts. If the Sun, Moon, Venus, Jupiter or Ascendant of another falls in your fourth house, you may make good housemates or domestic partners.

 

Mercury in House 4
 

The ideas, plans and communications of the Mercury person can have an impact on the fourth house personís domestic situation and emotions. There is likely to be a lot of discussion about family and/or feelings in this relationship. The fourth house person is likely to make the Mercury person feel his or her ideas are accepted and cared about. If Mercury makes any major harsh aspects to the fourth house personís chart, there is some potential for verbal disagreements, gossip or critism about the Mercury person by the fourth house personís mother or other close family.

 

Mars in House 4
 

The Mars person has the potential to stir up or upset the fourth house personís family or domestic situation and feelings. This is often a difficult placement for those living under the same roof as the Mars person can be selfish or argumentative about shared domestic responsibilites. The placement works best when youíre doing something active regarding home or real estate together.

 

HOUSE FIVE
 

Some astrologers refer to the fifth as the party house, and itís an apt description. The fifth house presides over entertainment and fun of all kinds; including romance, gambling, parties, creativity and pleasure in general. It is also the house of children, and may describe certain traits of your first child. When the planets of another fall into your fifth house, the energies of these planets will have an affect on what you do, think and feel about fifth house issues. If someoneís Sun falls into your fifth house, for instance, you may be attracted to that person as a romantic partner or as someone to simply go out and have good times with.

 

Sun in House 5
 

The fifth is generally considered the ďpartyĒ house, so with this placement, you are likely to enjoy each otherís company, especially when sharing pleasurable activities together. This combination is favorable for people who want to have children together, but equally favorable for those who simply like to go out to the movies, a concert or a restaurant with each other and have a good time. The Sun person can stimulate the fifth house personís creativity and gregariousness and will know how to make him or her laugh and smile. If either of you is particularly attractive, your partner will probably enjoy showing you off on his or her arm.

 

Venus in House 5
 

This placement is favorable for romantic relationships and is a strong indication of sexual attraction. You are likely to enjoy similar forms of entertainment and to be well matched socially. The Venus person may very possibly appeal to the fifth house person as the answer to his or her desires. If you have children together, you will probably spoil them and/or shower them with somewhat extravagant gifts.

 

HOUSE SIX
 

The morning after the partying of the fifth house, youíve got to get back down to business, and thatís what the sixth house is about. It rules work, health, service, worries, diet, dress, personal habits and other mundane, but necessary details of life. When someone elseís planets fall into your sixth house, the energies of those planets will affect the way you respond to the above sixth house issues. If, for instance, someoneís Saturn is in your sixth house, he or she might be an authority (Saturn rules authority figures) who you consult about health, such as a doctor; or he or she might be your boss at work.

 

Uranus in House 6
 

The Uranus person is likely to have a surprising effect on the sixth house personís work situation, health habits or dress. The Uranus person may introduce the sixth house person to different attitudes concerning diet, work or fitness.

 

HOUSE EIGHT
 

The eighth house deals with a host of intense and weighty issues: death, obsessions, repression, jealousy, taxes, joint resources, inheritances and other peopleís possessions. It also represents what you want or need sexually. When someone elseís planets fall in your eighth house, the energies of those planets will have an impact on how you think, feel and act concerning eighth house issues. If, for instance, your rich old Great-Uncle Harryís Jupiter falls in your eighth house, he might bequeath you a generous inheritance in his will.

 

Jupiter in House 8
 

The Jupiter person is likely to have a positive effect on the resources available to the eighth house person , unless major hard aspects from Jupiter to the eighth house personís planets contradict this. You have a definite potential for attracting material wealth through your partnership or marriage to each other. In sexual relationships, this placement can either connote adventurous attitudes, which can expand eroticism , or too much judgmentalism, which can dampen enjoyment . There is a slight danger of being overly optimistic about joint investments and finances in general, which can lead to financial trouble.

 

HOUSE NINE
 

The ninth house is directly opposite the third in your chart and represents a higher order of some of the issues governed by the third house. Foreign travel or other long trips, higher learning, philosophy, culture, religion, law and book publishing are all matters related to this house. When the planets of another person fall into your ninth house, the energies of those planets can affect how you respond to ninth house issues. For instance, if a friendís Uranus, the planet of innovation and surprises, falls in your ninth, he or she might introduce you to a new philosophical system or a new way of thinking about situations or events; or he/she might be the perfect traveling companion for an adventurous trip.

 

Moon in House 9
 

Often this signals a relationship where the partners share beliefs, ideals or religious views. The Moon personís feelings and/or family situation are likely to have a favorabe impact on the ninth house personís opinions. The ninth house person can help the Moon person expand his or her cultural, educational and religious understanding and interest.

 

HOUSE TEN
 

Achievement, professional life, authority, status and ambition are all governed by the tenth house, also known as the Midheaven. This is also the house that represents your father, just as the fourth house represents your mother. (Please note: in some families, where the mother was the dominant parent, or the father was the greater nurturer of the two, the house rulership works better in reverse, with the fourth representing the father; the tenth the mother. Usually, however, the traditional rulership works best. ) When the planets of another person fall in your tenth house, the energies of those planets will affect the way you respond to tenth house issues. For instance, if someoneís Mars, the planet of competitiveness and aggression, falls here, you might find yourself in professional competition with him or her.

 

Pluto in House 10
 

If Pluto is closely conjunct the tenth house cusp, the Pluto person can help the tenth house person focus on ambitions and achieve more personal power and authority. A close conjunction can also indicate power struggles between the partners, especially in professional matters.

 

HOUSE ELEVEN
 

Friends, acquaintances, associates, associations, clubs, and virtually any other group you feel a part of are all matters related to the eleventh house. This is also the house governing your hopes, wishes and professional values (personal values are matters of the second house). When someone elseís planets fall here in your chart, the energies of those planets will affect your reactions to eleventh house issues. For instance, if a friendís Pluto, the planet of power, falls in your eleventh, your association with that person can potentially bring you greater power and control.

 

Neptune in House 11
 

Itís likely that this relationship has a basis in friendship and idealism. This combination is favorable for relationships where the partners are involved in groups or organizations with humanitarian, spiritual or socially uplifting goals . You may feel that this is a dream-come-true kind of relationship. However there is the potential for disillusionment if you refuse to see each other as you really are, warts and all.